My View on Gay Marriage

I am a mental health therapist.  As you would imagine, people talk to me about themselves and do so more honestly than they do with other friends or even family.  Having done this for a number of years I  have certainly been stretched mentally as I attempt to empathize with the experience and feelings of my clients.

I have had numerous gay clients, both male and female.  Usually, at some point in the therapy process, a client will discuss their sexual orientation and how they came to grips with it.  This is a discussion that few heterosexuals have had with a gay person.  It has been extremely enlightening to me.  Many times, a person is well into adulthood before finally coming to grips with their sexual orientation.  Attempts to deny or change this have failed. In nearly every case, a person's disclosure that he/she is gay has made life quite difficult.  They have experienced being ostracized by friends, rejected by family and often treated cruelly.

In the national controversy about gay rights and gay marriage, some of the comments one hears seem to suggest that this is a choice that individuals have made (to be gay).  Some religious viewpoints see homosexuality as a sin from which a person needs to repent.  I asked a gay person onetime about the view that this is a choice that someone has made.  This person's response was that he had experienced rocks thrown through his windows, graffiti painted on his car and been shunned by some friends and family.  He said that his was not something that he would have chosen.

I have grown to admire such individuals who, despite the difficulty they have faced due to their sexual orientation, are positive, cheerful people who are trying to contribute to the world the best way can, just like the rest of us.  Just like heterosexuals, gay people want to formalize their relationship with the person to whom they have committed their life so that they can, not only experience the benefits of formalized marriage, but can also better fulfill the responsibilities of such a relationship.

Gay couples in states where gay marriage is not recognized have to plan carefully what they would do if one of them had to be unexpectedly hospitalized and was unable to make health decisions.  One person told me that the plan was to say that this was a step-sibling, since there was no blood or legal relationship that would permit accompanying a partner in the hospital during a life-threatening situation.  This is but one difficulty that a gay couple might encounter.

I have come to the conclusion that allowing gays to formalize their relationship and gain the benefits associated with marriage in no way negatively impacts traditional marriage.  I am well aware of the views of those who oppose this from a religious viewpoint.  However many biblical prohibitions are no longer observed, e.g. a man with a missing or damaged testicle cannot enter a place of worship, women menstruating are restricted as to what they can do or where they can sit, clothing that is made of certain mixed fabrics cannot be worn, women cannot speak in church, etc.  It is clear to me that a person's sexual orientation is not something that the individual voluntarily chooses.  Therefore, teachings that would lead to treating gays differently than heterosexuals is unfair and unkind and therefore inconsistent with the ideals of today's society.  My hope is that the 'love for one's fellow human being' that is enjoined upon the religious by their faith would enable them to extend tolerance rather than judgement.

I see the issue of "gay marriage' as an issue of the pursuit of happiness. As a therapist I have observed that it is an almost universal longing in people to have a committed relationship with someone who will share life with them. Such relationships are not easy and they do not always work, but nearly everyone longs for them.  In continuing the American ideal of providing an opportunity for individuals to pursue happiness, I believe it is appropriate to allow gay marriage.


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