Senior Citizens Drive too Slow!

Mr. and Mrs. Brown were the kind of elderly couple that struck you somewhere between amusing and annoying. Everything about them seemed out of date.  Their car, one of those massive behemoths of the 1970's, signaled that a senior citizen was about, driving slowly, cautiously, easing from place to place. You might think they were such a cute old couple, unless you happened to be behind them in traffic.  Mr. Brown always did the driving since Mrs. Brown had very poor eyesight. 

Mr. Brown's clothes, while neat, appeared to be the ones he had been wearing when he met Mrs. Brown.  He had worn them for so long that the fabric had taken on the shape of his wallet, pocket knife, and keys.  Mrs. Brown, smelling of powder and hair spray, wore thick glasses and carried a giant purse.  They were a perfect match.  

The Browns seemed to be one of the myriad of senior citizens that have been largely passed by as the world had changed.  They no doubt had to watch their money very closely and probably didn't ask for much.  Like so many retirees with time on their hands, they are regulars at the bank, the post office, grocery, and pharmacy.  When they stop appearing at the pick up window at the pharmacy, this will largely go unnoticed.

I knew the Browns because she was our children's piano teacher.  When we had first moved to that community, we were told that a particular piano academy was the best place for our children to study, that piano students there had one many awards.  But the teachers that had been recommended to us were all full and were not taking new students.  Only Mrs. Brown had room for new students.

I suspect some thought she might not be a good teacher.  I said earlier that she had poor eyesight.  In truth, she was almost blind.  She had a large magnifying glass mounted above the piano so that, looking through it, she could see the notes as she pounded out the beat with a stick.  She had an antiquated system of rewarding students for effort that used terms like, "Super," and "Super-duper."   Mrs. Brown was about as 'un-hip' as a person could be, but her young students held her in high esteem and I am about tell you why I believe that was the case.

Mrs. Brown's recitals were elaborate affairs, featuring students from kindergarten to adults.  Mr. Brown was always her helper, handing out the 'super-dupers' and snapping photos.  Mrs. Brown would often leave messages on our home answering machine, reminding the children that there was going to be a a rehearsal for the dress-rehearsal for the recital.  Because our answering machine had our daughter Margaret's voice on the greeting informing the caller that they should leave a message, Mrs Brown always addressed her message to Margaret.  Speaking with what must have been a South Carolina or Georgia accent, "Mawgret Darrrling, don't  forget to bring $3.50 to your lesson for your  music book. 

During a certain period of time, we had a lot of expenses and were trying to find ways to trim our budget.  We decided to cease having our children take piano lessons.  The strain of reminding them to practice, the time taking them to lessons and recitals, along with the cost, were all things we felt we could do without.  Stopping piano lessons seemed to be the thing to do.

Mrs Brown called me to ask why the children were no longer coming to lessons. I told her that we were trying to cut expenses and had decided that piano lessons could stop.  Mrs. Brown wouldn't have any of that.  She said that she would teach the children for free.  She went on to explain that as a little girl, her parents couldn't afford piano lessons and that her teacher had taught her anyway.  She had vowed she would do the same for children that wanted to learn to play the piano. 

I was so stunned and frankly humbled by this that I hardly knew how to respond. It was not difficult to see that the Browns were not prosperous people.  I am certain that I could afford to pay for the lessons more easily than Mrs. Brown could affrord to do without our payments.  But, I reluctantly accepted her offer saying that we would allow the children to continue, and that we hoped we could begin to pay for the lessons again in the future.  And this is what we did.

People like Mrs. Brown do not get much recognition in the world.  They don't stand out in such a manner so as to draw the attention of society.  But, most of us think and behave in ways that have been modeled for us by people we have encountered in our lives.  When I have a chance to do something for someone else, even though it doesn't benefit me, I think of Mrs. Brown.  If I had never been the recipient of such kindness, then I suppose I could justify never extending it to another.  But, I have experienced that,  just as Mrs. Brown experienced it as a child, and together with her, I vow to extend it to others. 

I wonder what kindness was modeled before the teacher who gave Mrs. Brown free piano lessons as a child.


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I Am Commanded to Love Them!

Some issues that currently being debated in the media often result in individuals expressing their opinion based upon their religious perspective. Rights for gays and lesbians and particularly legalization of marriage for gays and lesbians have brought forth vocal opposition from individuals characterized as "evangelical" or "conservative" in their religious affiliation.

I grew up in the "evangelical" religious tradition and spent many years of my adulthood heavily involved in the same, so I believe I understand where these individuals are coming from. The comments coming from such individuals vary in attitude and intensity: from those who politely express reservation to others who use cruel epithets in referring to gays and lesbians. It would be unfair to lump these all into one.

I have heard spokespersons from conservative religious organizations speak heatedly about how these individuals (gays, lesbians, or the "liberal media who advocates for them") are trying to corrupt our culture, destroy the home, defy god, etc. On several occasions I have heard such individuals pause mid-sentence to say, "Yes, I love them, because I am commanded in the Bible to love them" and then continue their diatribe against such individuals.

This has caused me to ponder what is meant by loving someone in this manner. It is true that there are commands in scripture to love others whom we may not find all that lovable, e.g. enemies, our neighbors, spouses :-), even those who hate us! So, to love is not just to hope a feeling comes upon us, rather it is to will ourselves love someone. But how would such love look?

The above mentioned comments (I love them, because I am commanded to love them) seem to be merely a verbal statement of love, but one that seems contradicted by attitude and action. What of a parent who says "I love you" to children but then abuses or neglects them? How about a husband who says "I love you" to his wife, but is callous to any of her desires, needs or viewpoints? All would agree that such a statement of love is really worthless.

An adage that is often cited by religious people is, "We are to love the sinner, but hate the sin." (by the way, this phrase is not in the Bible). Sometimes it seems that individuals use this as an excuse to make very harsh and hateful statements that really do not differentiate between sin and sinner. I am reminded that when a crowd was about to stone to death an adulterous woman, Jesus, rather than attacking the behavior of the woman, instead reminded the crowd that they had all made mistakes (sins) and that they should not condemn her.

There appears to be a lack of empathy on the part of some who stridently address some of these issues in current society.  How many times have we have heard of a prominent parent who, upon learning that their own child is gay, has changed his or her view on the issue?  Apparently, truly loving someone means that we cannot escape putting ourselves in their shoes and attempting to feel what they feel.   Such a process can lead to a radically different outlook and attitude.

I am sure that some, even many who express that they love gays or lesbians because they are commanded to, are sincere.  I hope that this love will be taken beyond mere words and will also change attitudes.

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